[NOTE: Before you read on, I want to make it CLEAR that just because I am a fan of natural childbirth doesn't mean I am "anti" epidural or "anti" C-section. Praise GOD for epidurals and C-sections and for how they have helped (and SAVED!) women and babies! Do you want to plan for getting an epidural? Do you want to elect for a C-section? Go on with your sassy self! This is just a matter of different strokes for different folks. What is TRULY important is that we are mothers who love our children, no matter how any one of us chooses to bring a baby into the world - via natural birth, epidural, C-section, adoption. And NO ONE should ever make ANY woman feel guilty, ashamed, or lesser than for that personal choice. We must celebrate one another as sisters, as mothers, as women.]
Benjamin's first birthday is TODAY (!!!!), and I am RUSHING to the finish line to get his birth story out there. Basically, I am doing this on behalf of all the second children of the world who think their mamas did *everything* for their older siblings but hardly have any baby photos of themselves. Ha!! I wrote a birth story for Naomi, so I must write a birth story for Benjamin, gosh darn it!!
It was about 1am when I first started feeling contractions, which is no bueno when you can no longer sleep through contractions and labor has just begun. With Naomi's labor/birth, I described the pain from start to finish as "not that bad." With Benjamin, it felt like someone was stabbing my abdominal area with dozens of knives while another person was swinging a bat and breaking my lower back at the same time FROM THE GET-GO. I know that's a holly, jolly picture for you right there. I'm not one to mince words.
I had the irresistible urge to listen to "All Mixed Up" by 311 (who ya know, I hadn't even thought about since like, HIGH SCHOOL). Most probably because it had the "F" word in it - which, if you've ever felt like knives and good ole Louisville sluggers were harming your body, you may also be tempted to say. With Naomi, I reached for melodramatic praise and worship songs by Christy Nockels. With Benjamin, it was songs with the "F" word. Such a doting mother I am.
I like to say that I am ca-ra-zy every day of life...except for when I am busy bringing a baby into the world. During labor I become very isolated, quiet, introspective, and I don't want ANYBODY to touch me. I have this vivid memory of Christopher wanting to get all loving and cuddly (like the good, good man he is thought he was supposed to do) and I calmly but firmly snapped at him, "Leave me alone. This is a woman's work!" Rawr. BAHA. Sorry, boo.
Sunday morning came, and my dear friend Stella came over bright and early in the morning to keep Naomi company while we were waiting for our parents to arrive and take care of her.
My contractions were a little all over the place. For 30 minutes to an hour, I would consistently get them five minutes apart, but then they would suddenly stall back to 20 minutes or so apart. As a former doula, I already knew this was no bueno and that it would be a long labor from the start. Throw the back labor into that mix, and I was pretty miserable and feeling hopeless from the beginning. I got weepy with exhaustion several times. In total, I labored through contractions and back labor for at least 21 hours. Special, special times.
Around early evening, Christopher and I finally drove to GW Hospital (praise God it was a Sunday, so there was no rush hour traffic!) when my contractions were sporadically 3 minutes apart for almost an hour. What is more miserable than feeling contractions like knives were being jabbed into your body all the while bumpily riding in the backseat of a car (DC potholes + contractions, man...ouch!)? I don't know. Probably actually having real knives being jabbed into your body while riding in the backseat of a car in real life.
They checked us into a room and our midwife Laura ever so nonchalantly greeted me. She checked me, and I was only at 4cm. I bawled like a baby. Over 12 hours of labor, and I was only at a 4 and baby had not dropped yet. I knew immediately it was the stress I felt and the excruciatingly painful back labor that kept me from getting into helpful birthing positions that were stalling labor. They ran an IV line because they probably thought this weepy woman was eventually going to get an epidural. Ha. Little did they know what a stubborn person they were dealing with. Different nurses tried to stick me in between AND during contractions literally EIGHT times...and failed. I bawled some more. I finally asked them to get an ER Tech or Anesthesiologist to stick me (ProTip: ER Techs/EMTs are AWESOME at this since time is of the essence in their line of work!).
Like the first time around, I wanted a natural, unmedicated childbirth. It was even more important this time, however, due to some surgeries I had in the year prior to carrying Benjamin. I NEEDED to feel all my contractions to avoid a C-section (major surgery! Tough recovery! C section mamas are some super strong women, people!) and avoid doing more trauma to my body. I NEEDED to feel every contraction so that I WOULDN'T push but let my body do the pushing itself.
With Naomi, my over-and-over again mantra slash affirmation during labor was "This is a good thing." With Benjamin, my mantra-affirmation was "I am STRONG. God has made me STRONG!" And truly, it felt like a little hug every time I said it.
With Naomi, my over-and-over again mantra slash affirmation during labor was "This is a good thing." With Benjamin, my mantra-affirmation was "I am STRONG. God has made me STRONG!" And truly, it felt like a little hug every time I said it.
I eventually complained of my back labor so much that the midwife recommended a water injection to my lower back. In a nutshell, these water injections to your lower back will take the edge off of the pain in back labor. I got 4 of these injections all at once, and it was by far the most painful part of labor. Thankfully, it did take the edge off of back labor pains. My pain went from an 11, to maybe a 9. And that was ALL the edge-off I needed to get into helpful laboring positions and to pick my spirits back up. Let the oxytocin flow, baby! Within an HOUR or so, I went from 4cm to 10cm!
The midwives and nurses ushered me to the birth tub to labor some more until my water broke. My contractions were back to back at this time --- We were in Transition, baby!!! The midwife saw the (albeit quiet) panic on my face, as the craaaazy levels of hormones typically make women do, and she firmly instructed me to mirror her breathing and facial expressions. This helped me IMMENSELY! I didn't think so much about my pain or my body uncontrollably convulsing. I was intensively studying her facial expressions and mimicking them. I was instructed to get out of the tub because GWUH was not permitting water births at the time (boooo hoooo!!!) and I got on the bed.
My midwife Laura kept asking me, "Listen to your body. What is your body telling you to do?" She let me choose my body's preferred "pushing"/delivery position. In less than 30 minutes, Benjamin was born!!!!!!!!!! Christopher and I both CRIED so MUCH! The sense of relief, awe, accomplishment, wonder, and overwhelming love is extremely difficult to put into words. After hours and hours of labor, you finally SEE the long-expected baby you lovingly carried with you for almost 10 months. I know it's different for everyone (no one is the same as another and that's is FINE!), but I instantly felt this deep I-will-do-anything-for-you, I-love-you-more-than-life-itself kind of love for Benjamin, just as I had immediately felt for Naomi. I like to think that is the good Lord's way of letting us women experience what it is to love like He loves, just as He has loved us through the Cross and Resurrection.
Here are some photos from that happy day! I'm getting misty just looking at them. My precious son!!!!!
Thank you for sharing!!
ReplyDelete