This Is The House That Made Me Cry

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the house that made me cry.

Looks small enough, doesn't it?  Well, for $1,025,000 (That's right, one million and twenty-five thousand dollars that I do not currently have on my person), this home could be yours or mine.  That's DC real estate for you.  (In all honesty, the home was actually quite large with 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, 3 fireplaces -- because one fireplace simply isn't enough for the lifestyles of the rich and famous, obvi -- on 3 different levels).  But that pricey price tag isn't exactly the reason why I cried.

To give you background, Christopher bought our condo in 2008, and we have lived in here together since we got married in 2010.  After much prayer and consideration, we have decided that it is time for a change.  As we hope to expand our family in the future (God willing) and simply because of the fact that I am Filipino (which essentially means that hospitality and partying are matters of good morality for me), we want more house, more room.

Now, I just made that sound like it was the easiest and most seamless decision-making process for us, but nothing could be farther from the truth.  I often describe myself as the accelerator, and my husband is the brake pedal when it comes to these things.  Christopher is careful, analytical, and thorough.  I, on the other hand, am a movin' and shakin' go-getter (for better, for worse).  So surely, with our powers combined, we will eventually get somewhere...somehow...someday.  ;)  Welcome to the world of marriage!

This past Saturday was the first time that we actually ventured out into the real estate market, beyond watching the market like a hawk via online home search engines.  Something about the rubber finally meeting the road just made me incredibly emotional.

When we talk/look at homes, I immediately think about children running around the kitchen, walls decorated with finger painted pictures, Christmas parties, and dinners with loved ones around the table.  For Christopher, I think his mind automatically goes to the bottom line, our financial Excel charts, and you know, all that jazz.  :)

Now that I'm working in real estate (I'm not an agent, but I work with one), I feel a bit overly exposed to the market, which creates some interesting challenges for me.  Imagine a professional Matchmaker, in hopes of finding THE ONE, finally going on in-person dates with people whose online profiles she has merely browsed via E-Harmony.  House hunting feels a lot like that for me.  You know the best of the best and the worst of the worst out there, and you somehow have to manage your expectations and reconcile your educated hopes with reality.....And quite frankly, it's all just very weird.

We hope to put our home on the market some time in the near future, so stay tuned for more updates on that front. And you better believe I will also keep y'all posted if and when, Lord willing, we decide to "go steady" and then "marry" a new place to call Home.  Heaven, help us!

With A Supreme Affection

Here's a little blast to the past!!  Like, 18th century past!  Hope you are blessed by this gem of encouragement today.

"Christ and his church, like the bridegroom and bride, rejoice in each other as those that are the objects of each other's most tender and ardent love. The love of Christ to his church is altogether unparalleled. The height and depth and length and breadth of it pass knowledge, for he loved the church, and gave himself for it. And his love to her proved stronger than death. And on the other hand, she loves him with a supreme affection. Nothing stands in competition with him in her heart. She loves him with all her heart. Her whole soul is offered up to him in the flame of love. And Christ rejoices and has sweet rest and delight in his love to the church. Zep. 3:17, 'The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.'  So the church, in the exercises of her love to Christ, rejoices with unspeakable joy. 1 Pet. 1:7, 8, 'Jesus Christ: whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory.'" 

-Jonathan Edwards, Sermon, September 19, 1746

A Married Woman's Confessions and Reflections on Single's Awareness Day

It's because I'm "too much."  It's because I'm too ambitious.  Maybe it's because my personality is too strong, and I'm too independent.  Maybe it's cuz I'm too loud.  Or that I'm making plans to move to the Middle East.  It's because I'm too fat.  Or because I'm not beautiful.  Or I'm not as spiritually mature.  Or perhaps I may be too intense.  Maybe I'm just too scary and awkward.  And I'm ugly.

These are just a handful of lies I all too often believed as a single woman.  That wasn't too long ago, and I vividly remember this crazy talk that I allowed to poison my heart and my mind.  You see, my husband is the first man to have ever seriously pursued me (I repeat...ever). I guess you can say I was somewhat of a late bloomer.  Throughout high school, college, and young 20-something life, I always happened to be friends with all these drop dead gorgeous people who seemed to be constantly pairing off.  There is no doubt that I was beyond thrilled for my friends (I LOVE LOVE, hello!), but every new suitor that came their way was yet another reminder of how very single, lonely, and downright unwanted I felt deep down inside.  Especially on that dreaded annual Valentine's Day Single's Awareness Day.

The lies I believed fell into 2 categories...that I was 1) Too much and 2) Not enough.  Instead of "blaming" my single circumstances on the sovereignty, wisdom, and infinite goodness of a gracious God, I blamed my singleness on ME, which became a huge source of insecurity.  While I never went out there and courted any men on my own initiative (I'm too "old fashioned" for that, please accept it), I did overly worry about whether or not I would ever get married.  More than wanting some shiny bling on my finger, I think I especially stressed over my love life (or more like THE LACK THEREOF!) because if I was truly honest with myself, I was ultimately afraid of what my singleness said about me; I fretted that my singleness was just the constant confirmation of my worst fears and insecurities --  that I was in fact unlovable, unwanted, and ugly.  For a time in my life, I think I was seriously convinced that all I needed was a husband to finally relieve my struggle with discontentment and wipe out all my insecurities.  I was too much of a ruthless feminist in the past to ever verbally express that I "needed" a man, but in hindsight, when I examine my fears and anxieties about "kissing marriage good-bye", I think I truly believed that.  Already I was putting my future husband on a pedestal, looking to him to make me completely content and hopelessly happy forever and ever.  Yet through all of this, that still, soft voice of Jesus kept resounding in my heart: "You must find all your hope, joy, and satisfaction at the Cross and in Me."  

Years went by of fighting to find all my hope, joy, and satisfaction in Jesus.  And then seemingly out of nowhere, this amazing, respectable (oh, and handsome) man who I had been "just friends" with for 5 years basically made a marriage proposal the first time he told me he wanted to date me.  By God's faithfulness and grace, I am happily married now, and I am so very grateful to the Lord for giving me such a kind, generous, thoughtful, intelligent, strong, confident, humble, gracious, hard-working, persevering, serving, (oh, and handsome!!!) husband in Christopher.  I totally "married up," yall, and I am not just referring to our 14 in height difference!  It just STUNS me that I get to be married to a man I so deeply respected and admired years-long before he put a ring on it.  Indeed, God is SO good!  But let me tell you what, single sisters.  As amazing as he is as a husband, and as much as I am fully aware that I am blessed beyond belief, I am still ever reminded that there is this inexplicable longing inside of me that my husband does not (and simply cannot) meet.  And you know why?  Because he was never meant to in the first place.

While I thank God for using Christopher to point me to Christ and show me the love of God, our marriage was never meant to be the end-all, be-all.  God is.  I really cannot put it to words (SHOCKER, I know), but I still certainly feel that wanting, longing part of my soul that cannot be satisfied by anything or any man on this earth.  I will remain sorely disappointed in this life if I keep looking to a man to fill every teeny tiny nook and cranny of need and desire in me.  God has set eternity upon our hearts, and I believe only Jesus can perfectly complete.  "Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty" (John 6:35).  

In one of my most fave books of the Bible, the apostle Paul writes, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8).  How true is this!!!!  God sent Jesus to die for our sins and to take on the punishment our rebellion against Him deserved.  Then He was raised from the grave so that we too may be raised with Him and live in the joy of His resurrection life.  Through His resurrection, Christ sealed our trust in His victory over death and sin and ensured our future hope for eternal life.  The Lord has met our most desperate need and deepest desires (that we are not always aware of) through the work of Jesus.  How could He then withhold any other good thing from us?  He simply won't!!  Through His cross and resurrection, we have all the proof we need to see that God is ever fighting for our joy and for our good.  If Jesus has done the unthinkable in forgiving us of our sins and has reconciled us to our holy God, surely His love are mercy are more than sufficient for you in all your day-to-day brokenness, fears, and insecurities.  Truly He is the ONLY (I repeat, ONLY) one whose love will NEVER (I repeat, NEVER!!) fail and whose steadfast love endures forever.  So DARE to take Him at His word.  Jesus satisfies!  And really, single AND married people, HE is all you need.